20 Things You Should NOT Say To A Pregnant Woman

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This is meant to be (somewhat) lighthearted, sarcastic, and a tad bit serious. If you’ve said any of these to me, I don’t hate you. Actually, I’ve said a few of them myself, but I’ve sworn them off from now on. Ladies who have been pregnant, feel free to add to my list.

 

Things NOT to say to a pregnant woman (or any woman for that matter!):

Wow, you look MISERABLE. I was feeling great actually until you said that.

You are huge! What? Did you say I was glowing and gorgeous? Thanks!

Really stickin’ out there, aren’t ya? Is that supposed to make me laugh? Or smile? Or think any positive thoughts?

Was this one planned? I mean, were you trying? Is that any of your business?

You’re HOW far along?! I’d be happy to repeat it, but I don’t think you’re asking because you didn’t understand me the first time.


Another boy?! I’m so sorry. You not only assume that I was specifically “trying” for a girl this time, but now you’re apologizing for this sweet new addition to my family.

Wow, I think your belly is bigger than mine! Well, sir, at least mine is due to a beautiful new life instead of Krispy Kreme donuts and Mountain Dews.

You’re walking like a penguin. You’re right, I should be on display at the zoo the way you’re staring at me.

You look really tired. I know what that means.

Did you start showing this early last time? I don’t think you did! It’s a little creepy that you paid that close of attention.

I’m sure you’ll lose all that weight. Thanks for reminding me of the extra weight. That’s very encouraging.

any phrase involving the word “honey” I’m carrying a baby; that doesn’t mean you should treat me like one.

You should sit down. I will if I want to.

You need to rest. Would you like to go to work for me, go to the grocery and sweep the floor? Or do you want the other to-do list?

You should prop up your feet. Are you going to rub them and paint my toenails?

You’re STILL pregnant? How do you expect me to respond to that?

You look like you are so OVER being pregnant. No, I’m really just so OVER comments from you and all the other people I barely know or don’t know at all.

When is he coming? Um, let me ask God.

Are you SURE it’s not twins? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!

You’re ready to pop. Pop you in the face, yes.

 

Look, I know you mean well. If I don’t grin or laugh or give you the response you were expecting, maybe you should consider how many times I’ve already heard that same phrase or something similar in the last 24 hours.

Maybe part of my frustration stems from that fact that you’re RIGHT, but stating the obvious doesn’t change things.

Let me give you a few examples of words that are uplifting, unoffensive and acceptable:

You look great.
You are beautiful.
You are blessed.
How are you feeling?
Is there anything I can help you with?
Congratulations!
I’m happy for you.
Or…if these don’t seem relevant, then don’t say anything at all. I am totally ok with that.

Seriously, though.
I am thrilled to be expecting another sweet little life. I don’t want you to think I take the comments too seriously or that I can’t laugh at my current limitations. I can most of the time, but some days the comments get old. The entire process has given me a new empathy for people who live with physical characteristics which make them stand out among the majority of the population. Assumptions and negative comments rarely lead to someone feeling encouraged.

So, here’s to thinking before we speak.
Now please excuse me while I take a break to eat pickles and ice cream.

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8 Comments

  1. I would add to the list, specifically for first time moms, to stop the fear mongering about labor and delivery!

    “Oh you want to go with no meds? Wait till until labor actually set in and then you’ll be screaming for the drugs!” I wonder if people would realize how rude and negative that sounds if it were any topic other than labor…”oh you want to train to run a marathon, that’ll be so much work though I bet you stop half way!” “Oh you want to be a Christian and follow in Christ’s ways? That sounds like a lot of work and sacrifice, I bet you can’t do it.”

    Seriously people, be positive when someone is discussing their goals or anything in general!

    Soapbox rant over.

    1. Daniel, these are perfect additions to the list! You are so right. I don’t hear much about delivery now that I’m in my third pregnancy, but I remember a LOT of those comments with my first. I, like Eden, had the goal of a medication-free labor. Thankfully, I was able to do that, but NOT because of the encouragement I got from other people. I should have never even mentioned it to be honest, because people were so rude and discouraging. I even switched doctors because my first one laughed in my face…unbelievable!
      Thanks for sharing!

  2. Agreed! I would add: “No way you’re that big already! You must be pushing your belly out!” I’ve had two MEN say that to me–during different pregnancies, even, so it wasn’t a specific timing or way I looked. What the what?!

  3. These made me laugh especially your responses! :) I’ve never been pregnant, but I work in a hospital so I hear a lot of comments that stop me in my tracks and make me think — please tell me they didn’t just say that out loud!!

    Found you through hope*writers — hope you have a great weekend!

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