It’s not you, it’s me. We need a break.
Can I be brutally honest? You are the place where people are more brave than normal so I suppose I can.
You add excitement to the boring moments. When I’m up in the night nursing the baby, you provide entertainment. When I’m stuck in line to pay, you make the wait more bearable.
But now I’ve become unable to rest, unable to wait, unable to enjoy the quiet and let my brain rest. And because of that, I’m in a fuzzy cloud, floating somewhere in between my beautiful life and yours.
You’re not bad. You show me a lot of great things, but when I look at your wedding pictures, I forget that I was headed to write my grocery list. When I stop to look at your new baby, I lose ten minutes that I could be spending with mine.
I get sucked in. And in an odd way, that has led me to despise you. We will call it a love-hate relationship.
Where’s the balance? You’ve become a slight addiction. I guess it all comes down to self-control, of which I seem to have little.
I don’t want my kids to see me glued to social media. I don’t need to be thinking about a potential Facebook caption before I even take a picture of my boys.
More than anything, I don’t want to regret the wasted time. I know you like seeing my family, but I can’t figure out a healthy way to show you snippets of my life and not get too sucked into yours.
I’m giving you too much of me, and my family is getting too little. Each second I spread out among you makes up hours I don’t give to the people in my sphere that I could be helping. Each ounce of energy I spend on you is sucked out of my tank that could be put towards loving on neighbors (and I use that term loosely like they do in Deuteronomy and Matthew).
So, I’m tired of you. Actually, I’m tired of who I’ve become because of you. You certainly aren’t all bad (in fact you’re full of good and encouraging things too), but seeking your goodness has depleted some of mine.
As with any “goodbye” or “see ya later”, there’s anxiety involved. I wonder what I will miss. I will go ahead and apologize for the missed birthdays! I wonder if you will still read my blog posts and engage in discussion—I hope so! You can subscribe to receive them in your email and leave comments on the blog. I wonder if you will reach out to me if you want to talk? Of course you can! Call me or email at email@example.com.
We can stay connected in other ways.
Speaking of connections, I keep thinking of John chapter 15. “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful….Remain in me….No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” I desperately need to be pruned and to focus on my connection to the source of all things good and holy.
Sometimes doing what you feel like God is asking you to do doesn’t make sense, but as I’ve seen time and time again, it’s always best. There are always blessings involved (the spiritual kind that lead to joy—which is what we’re all here searching for anyway, right?).
Just like with any relational change, there’s risk involved. It makes me think of my very first post about my first date with my husband.
Breaks are temporary. i don’t know what to expect from this break, but I have some ideas. Perhaps when I see you in person we will have something to talk about—I won’t already know that you finished grad school or that your son is the star football player.
You can certainly sense my insecurity and uncertainty about this, but I’m following the quiet voice, the feeling I’ve had for several weeks now.
I need some freedom, Facebook. You’re taking too much of my mental energy. I know you will graciously welcome me back when I decide to return.
An Unbalanced Wife, Mom, & Friend