I can’t sleep. I should be. I will regret this in 4.5 hours, give or take 30 minutes.
I need to write down my to-do list now, because I just know that it will all be wiped clear out of my memory along with the tears and the snot that will be wiped off of my screaming alarm and I will have to try to locate the mental list somewhere in this sleep-deprived brain which will result in me leaving 6 things at home that I will either have to borrow or buy while I’m gone.
And since I can’t seem to shut my brain down, I will go ahead and make your list.
Really, in case you skim through the rest of this letter while watching the next basketball game, in which case I expect 5% of it to absorb, my main point is this: Keep the kids and dogs alive for two days, and enjoy doing it.
In case you want to go the extra mile and have a very happy wife, here are more detailed instructions:
Give Clint his medicine morning and night. It will need to warm up to prevent brain freeze, so draw up 4 mL and let it sit on the counter for a few minutes before giving it to him. He will freak out when you take it away, so let him play with the syringe until he moves on to the next greatest thing. But don’t let Spud get it or he will soon be pooping plastic pieces.
Speaking of Spud, don’t let either dog out until after the mailman comes at 2. There seems to be something terrifying about a bouncing goofy lab and a 15 pound mutt who pees with excitement every time he sees a human. If he thinks he hears them when he turns onto the road before ours, he is guaranteed to put a slip in the mailbox that says “dogs” and will not leave the textbook that you need to complete your next grad school assignment.
For goodness sake, keep Mason’s water cup filled up with fresh ice. Need I say more? I will write a blog post about this soon. As we are working so hard to enforce, make sure you only respond to “questions that are asked correctly the first time” with a non-whiny please and big boy eye contact. You will be tempted to just give in to any request right before you hit nap time, in which case you may just pop in “Porton” Hears a Who and not give a crap how he asks because threatening no TV may be putting you in a position where you might explode like that little speck on the flower. It’s ok. He’s too delirious in that moment to remember that he got away with it.
Turn the monitor up to Level 3 volume as soon as Clint goes to sleep. Little Houdini might pull the bumper off and get his arm stuck trying to reach the curtain.
Enjoy the queen size bed to yourself tonight. Unless you choose to put Mason beside you after his 1 AM freak out. Take him to the potty so you can lower your chance of pee leaking in our bed for the third time this month. Try not to come unglued when he has lost his sense of aim; he is, after all, wearing a diaper at this time, and his mind seems to have reverted back to that of a 9 month old. If you do take him back to his bed, turn on the noise machine because Clint is guaranteed to hear him the next time he wakes up.
As for me, I am checking out. Don’t worry; I will think of you after I wake up from the most refreshing night of sleep I will have had in 3 years (that is, if the conference leader doesn’t bang on our cabin windows in the middle of the night like a crazy person). I know you will miss me. But TRUST ME, you want me to go. I plan on returning with a renewed sense of peace, patience, and excitement to get up and wipe noses all day. You may even find that I am excited to cook again after being served meals for 2 days. Maybe.
Seriously though, I am beyond excited. Coming together with women of all ages who are experiencing very different life stories has always been thrilling to me. Some are at the best point in their lives, ready to pour their heart into life and get everything they can out of it. Some are coming from a place of uncertainty and aren’t really sure what their next step should be. Some are coming from a place of deep heartache, a place they never expected to find themselves. No matter where we are all coming from, we are all coming to a place where we will be reminded of the only One who can provide our joy, peace, and sense of purpose. We are all searching for Him, whether we know it or not. And how much more we feel His power when we come together in His name. There is something thirst-quenching about this love that draws us together. I need that.
And you, sweetie, will probably need that same sense of renewal after your weekend. So I will try my best to want to cook dinner while you have your man time in the building upon my return. I’m sure I will look forward to returning to this testosterone-filled house after being around all women for 2 days.
I love you dearly. Not as much as I love Jesus, but I love you because He loves you and you also love Him. And because you tolerate the pulling-out-my-hair person that I’ve become over the past couple months. Thank you for your support and understanding. I already can’t wait to tell you how the weekend went.
Now look up and make sure Clint hasn’t climbed on top of the desk.
Your slightly delirious wife